Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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