a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
