glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
