I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The dick lei will go down in squad history
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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