and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
need another drink. this is the easiest way
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
