do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
