I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
