We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
