I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
