i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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