Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
