At least make sure they are 18
Why
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
