here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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