I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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