Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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