I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
