Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
