We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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