Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
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