just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
