which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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