i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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