i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
