when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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