update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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