I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize