You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
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We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
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I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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