Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I didn't notice because vodka
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
