I'm lost and stupid without you.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
there is puke in my bra ... again
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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