a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
