mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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