I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
