I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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