my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
