I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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