True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
