That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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