I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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