the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
