I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
