i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
