Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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