first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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