I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
