Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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