even my farts smell like vagina
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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