my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
