i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
