i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
