I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
