how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
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