idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
