I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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