I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
