ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
