The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize