If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
