so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
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