He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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