I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
