$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize