i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
