I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
